I would normally leave this type of topic for my personal blog, but the more I have thought about our audience here at Tips of the Scale, our contributors and our past and future guests, the more I was convinced this was the right decision. But do you know what really convinced me? I was scared to hit that blue glowing PUBLISH button to the right of the screen. Always a good sign that what you’re about do is worth doing.
I preface this entry with a disclaimer – you may get nothing out of reading this. And if that’s the case I do apologize for never getting back the next seven minutes of your life. But if you read, and give yourself permission to live with purpose, resolve and passion, then I am happy you are here today (Group A, I am also grateful you dropped in – always!).
Reader warning: explicit content ahead & no fancy images!
My dad is not well.
I will not get into details of what, when, how long, and the like, but I am, and have been, faced with a real life event that many of us are faced with in the course of our existence. As a 38 year old North American, the odds were against me that this would eventually happen – a big life “WTF” that has me in my tracks. Sometimes these moments come in the form of illness, new found freedom/boredom discovered in retirement, love as being a grandparent, whatever; our parents are going through a time where they are aging, life is changing dramatically and because of this, we as their children are effected.
Now, the shitty thing with me is, is that I was faced with this 15 years ago when I found out my step dad was not well. Two and a half years later, I was dressed in uncomfortable black tights and a polyester dress in a room that needed to be expanded to the funeral home’s capacity. We faced a parking lot bursting at the seams, and a shit storm of a traffic jam the town hadn’t seen in a very long time. We celebrated and remembered. My life changed.
You may be asking, “Why am I reading about a father on a weight loss motivation blog?” Well, I will let you know. I am writing about this because like my experience 15 years ago, and now present day with two young children of my own, I am reminded that life happens when other agendas are being set.
The day I found out something was up with my dad, it was Father’s Day of this year, and I had just pinned race bibs on the shirts of all my family members – myself, my husband, my 8 and a half year old girl (her first official 5K) and a homemade bib for my 3 and a half year old boy. It was our first race as a family. My agenda that day was set. But something disrupted it. Sound familiar?
I was faced with something I hadn’t planned. And all of us are faced with these things – injuries, job loss, divorce. Sometimes it is just lack of focus on why we want to transform and live in a body that will hopefully get us off the floor in our 80’s. Whatever that bump in the road may, I am giving you permission today to take it easy on yourself.
As some of you may know, I still have a number of fitness and mental goals to hit on my own weight loss and getting shit together journey. I wasn’t done in a year. I wasn’t done in two. Hell, I am still not done at three. But, what I can tell you, scale warrior, is that like me, you may be faced with some major or minor hurdles that can easily test your ability to see through the negative; testing you to hopefully come out a better version of yourself in the end.
There are those weight loss champions that despite these moments, their goals do not waiver. I love you for that! I know of one person like this. He stayed true to his goals having gone through a number of major life events that seemingly had no effect on his weight loss journey. Losing a father, a divorce, breaking an engagement, a major injury. He forged through. His focus was fueled by his experiences. He didn’t waiver. Amazing.
What’s the lesson in this? Yesterday, Tim wrote on Giving Up. Today, I write about giving yourself permission to put things on hold. I think we kinda suck at this. I don’t mean giving yourself the OK to put all your efforts, plans, goals, and planning in the dumpster. What I mean is allowing yourself the mental space to diverge down a different path when things go off plan. Have I been completely on point since learning what I have about my dad? No fucking chance.
My weeks are balanced with my obligations to my kids, running a business and a household, motivating up to 15 different women every week on their own fitness and health goals, and now travelling over four hours each way with two bickering kids in the back of the smallest car on earth just to spend 24 hours or so with him and his wife (he lives far). This is happening every other week. Because of this, my “Adina” schedule, my eating, my obligations to myself have been impacted. I am not quitting. I am not losing site of my goals. Am I lifting for an hour and a half four times a week like before, nope. Am I eating 90% on plan, yup. Am I slipping back to eating rows of cookies and bags of chips, hells now. Am I getting in any little movement to keep my body agile and active, ah ha. Guess what? For now, this is just great.
I have remained at a consistent weight for some time now. If I remain where I am until my little ones are back in school and routine is found again, in all honesty, this is kinda part of my plan. My plan is to allow time with my dad, my family, a solid 8 hours of sleep, still allow for meal planning, shopping, cleaning the house, planning classes, committing to Tips of the Scale with blogging and client sessions. And maybe, if my cat is lucky, some grooming and cuddles at the end of the day.
You may be reading and asking yourself what kind of motivation is this blog when all she’s talking about is failing and gaining weight? Well, if I had read something like this years ago, I would not have been so hard on myself. Hell, maybe my second attempt at Weight Watchers would have stuck instead of trying over 20 times. We have all been there. We have tried, failed and then given up. Today, I grant you eternal permission to keep you in mind, your goals at hand, but know that life’s curve balls happen; it’s ensuring you recognize them as mere bumps, little moments and that they will not define you.
I am somewhat happy this crappiest of crappy thing has hit me upside the head – it’s experience; it’s knowledge; and I am fully aware and present to the fact that I am living through it. Because, as we heard from our host Sam last week, the only way through it, is through it!
How will you process and plan when things don’t go exactly as planned? I encourage you to love yourself first, love those around you second, and lastly, give that little devil on your shoulder a swift kick in the nuts when he whispers that “all is defeated” message to you. Because I’m proof that we can live through it and be a stronger person for it.