Consuming Failure.

“To be a Philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts nor even to found a school… it is to solve some of the problems of life, not just theortetically, but practically.” -Henry David Thoreau

Last week we spoke about Stoicism as an introduction and talked about preparing for failure. Today is where the rubber starts to meet the road. I want to talk about how to address the actual “failure” when it comes.

Have you ever had any of the following experiences:

• Your work forces you to work extra hours and you have personal obligations forcing you to miss one workout. Per day. For three months.
• You were pretty good this week. You step on the scale and you gained weight. You throw up your hands and throw down some Doritos because eff it. Nothing you do matters, anyway.
• You’re lifting consistently, making progress when a gym injury benches you for three months.

I’ve attended all these pity parties. The hardest part about all of these examples is that there is little to nothing you could do to avoid them. Life has poured you a shot of manure with no chaser. Your have two options:

Obviously we know what we want to choose. So how does the Stoic view and overcome failure, especially that failure which we seemingly can’t directly control?

Step 1: Realize you aren’t special.

I remember the first time I gained weight on the scale during my fat loss period. I went up a pound. A POUND. HOW COULD YOU SCALE? I WAS SO PALEO LAST WEEK I WENT TO WORK IN A LOINCLOTH.

Editor’s note: almost included an image of me in a loincloth here.

I was devastated and I didn’t know what to do. “It’s not fair!,” I exclaimed to anyone who would listen. I felt personally violated by the scale. Have you been here? If you haven’t yet, you will be at some point. I adore this quote from Dear Sugar:

“Here’s the long and short of it: There is no why. You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding. And dear one, you and I both were granted a mighty and generous hand.”

I wasn’t and you won’t be the first person to be in this exact same predicament and Lord knows we won’t be the last. Thousands have had this same thing happen. And you know what? Millions have had worse. Whatever you’re going through at any given moment is not some sort of unique purgatory established to torture you for past transgressions. It just is a situation.

Step 2: Realize you have a choice

One of the most inspirational people I know is Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning. Dr Frankl was a concentration camp survivor whose work on the human response to suffering is so poignant that I recommend his work with regularity in basically every situation.

• “Going through a hard time?” You really should check out Man’s Search for Meaning.
• “Lost a loved one?” Have you heard of Man’s Search for Meaning?
• “Don’t know what you’re going to have for dinner?” Have you heard of Viktor Frankl?

Dr Frankl describes an experience at one point he’s having while he is going through experiences that include being used as a human experiment for medical procedures by the Nazis. He says:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

The idea of choosing your attitude is standard motivational thoroughfare but typically you’d hear a CEO saying that after they’ve had a down quarter. This guy came to that realization while being operated on inside of a concentration camp and being tortured for no other reason than being born a Jew. If you can’t do the same after gaining a pound, it’s time to reexamine your thoughts. Have you ever heard of this great book called Man’s Search for Meaning?

Step 3: See Failure for What It Is

I’d like to tell you that the world stood still while I lost 200 pounds in one year. I am told with regualarity that my story has inspired and is remarkable and I am always grateful for such compliments. But in my opinion, the backdrop is truly the story. While I was losing weight, I went through some of the worst trials I could ever imagine:

• Divorce and the loss of friends that came therewith.
• My decision to leave a Church I disagreed with but had been a part of for over 10 years.
• My father having a debilitating stroke, dealing with the repurcussions of his loss of cognitive function and eventually passing away.
• Being forced to leave my position due to family issues.

All of these represented an opportunity to become stronger. I choose to see failure as a wall that we collide into to show us that we are traveling in the wrong direction. My divorce while representing the greatest disappointment I’ve ever faced in life gave me the internal strength to realize my value and worth as a person. It forced me to become a better parent to my children and be present with them. It helped me to be more tolerant of others in their struggles. It showed me who my real friends were and gave me an opportunity to strengthen the relationships that mattered most.

Failure oftentimes results in a necessary course correction.

Step 4: Consume obstacles

I work for a company that rebuilds homes with insurance proceeds following fire or water damage. Fire is such a devastating and awe inspiring force to me. Sometimes I’ll be in a home and I will marvel at the sheer destructive power of a fire. It’s as if they decide what to burn and what to leave.

When fire tears through a house, it will come across various materials and substances that it begins to heat and consume. When it consumes an entire property, often times, the only thing left standing is the chimney. Everything else is not only completely eviscerated, it actually adds strength to the fire. Everything in its path has two choices: be left standing alone and forgotten or to become fuel for a larger fire. Still on other occasions, a smaller fire will be unable to consume something in its path and it will fizzle out on its own. The obstacle was larger than the fire had strength for.

Like a fire, you have options when it comes to the obstacles in your path. In some cases, the problems we face actually have the opportunity to make us better.

Demosthenes was a fire with two choices: consume or fizzle. He literally found an underground dugout and began to practice giving speeches in one breath. He found his voice and his power. He famously practiced speaking with rocks in his mouth to develop outstanding diction. When he came of his age, he took his former advisors to court and secured what was rightfully his. He went on to become one of the greatest and most respected orators in one of the most brilliant civilizations every found on earth.

Failure does not have to result in defeat.

Marcus Aurelius famously said it this way:

The one pound or the things holding you back from working out are obstacles waiting to be viewed correctly and consumed. They are your new path and they lead to the place where you are the you you’ve always dreamt you’d be.

Or you could just quit. I hope you don’t though because I think you could be the most beautiful fire I’ve ever seen. And nothing feels better than being consumed.