I’ve been getting a lot of feedback lately from people reaching out for help. From day 1, I’ve always put myself out there as a free resource. I’ve never accepted a dollar for this help and I’ve refused to back any products for the purposes of advocating health. I get a potpourri of people reaching out for help:
- housewives who let themselves go.
- men whose girlfriends left.
- people who heard about paleo.
- fathers who want to see their children grow up.
- girls who think I’m cute now (HELLOOOO LADIES).
I’ve received three in the last month asking me to tell them that they can do it. A darling woman whose heart yearns to serve her church on a welfare mission but needs to lose 200 pounds. A man who is a recent father and can’t bend down to pick up his daughter. A woman whose husband keeps telling her how beautiful she used to be.
I wanted to write a letter to every single person in the universe who wants to do anything. As a member of the online weight loss community that is Tips of the Scale, I am here to tell you, to declare to you, to promise you:
YOU CAN DO THIS.
I don’t know what your this is. But I know you can.
About two years before I started losing weight, I worked for a company headquartered in Billings, Montana. I would fly there twice annually in the Summer and Winter (when it’s 100 and –100 degrees respectively). Flying into Billings is not like flying into anywhere you’d normally go because you end up taking a 323 and a half (that’s a 747 split into two) plane that for a guy who was 6’4″ and almost 450 pounds was about as comfortable as you’d imagine.
I would dread those flights. I was a master at discretely obtaining the seatbelt extender and prayed almost as hard that no one would be sitting next to me on the flight as I would that the plane wouldn’t crash. Sometimes, I would end up on the same flight as the “other obese guy” in my company. He worked up north and I always felt like he was heavier than I was so I felt better about me when he was around. Looking back now, I think I was probably the heavier one but avoided mirrors and pictures of myself.
Leading into one of those meetings, I was visiting with my boss, Ken at lunch who informed me that the other guy had lost a lot of weight. Ken expressed how proud he was of his accomplishment but all I heard him say (although nothing even remotely close like this came out of his mouth) is:
“You are the only fat one left, Tim.”
Looking back now, this was one of my pivotal moments. When I saw Jesse (not his real name) at the event, I was blown away. He looked younger, more vibrant and I was jealous as an ex girlfriend whose man has moved on to Jennifer Lawrence**. I wanted to ask him all the who, what, where, when, why and how questions I could think of but I was too embarassed.
It wasn’t until months later that he replied to a thread on facebook with an invitation to learn more.
But enough time had passed that I think my mind had long since been lulled into pacifism by the siren’s song of pizza, my fingers covered in the orange glow of dorito dust were unable to type.
Finally, my time to change came
Eight months later, I came down from the dorito and pizza bender and I finally built up the courage to reach out to him.
I remember how vulnerable and naked I felt sending that message. How terrified i was. He was going to tell me what to do and I had two choices after that:
1) Do what he told me.
2) Don’t do it and stay unhealthy (and waste Jesse’s time).
Some fear that kind of accountability. For some, it even causes relapses and failure. For me, I thought it was exactly what I needed.
You can do this.
That’s what you want to hear. That’s what you need to know.
Some of you have directly asked me to tell you that. To cheer you on and encourage you. One young man told me he couldn’t afford to eat clean, so I walked him through a budget for how to eat clean on a budget. He went to the store and reported back on all his purchases. He logged his food into MyFitnessPal for three days and then I never heard from him again. He hasn’t responded to questions and eventually unfriended me on Facebook.
He chose #2.
What Jesse told me.
Nothing. He never responded. He refused to offer any advice, encouragement or even an acknowledgement of my existence. I don’t want this to sound like I harbor any ill will because I know that in reality, if I needed him, I probably wasn’t ready any way. Would his advice have made me get my butt into gear before I was ready? Probably not. In the end, I did it for me.
And the second we feel entitled, we have failed to see reality.
It would be a year before I confided in someone else my desire to get healthy: My dear friend Bret, who told me that I could lose 100 pounds in one year if I just changed my diet.
Interestingly, Bret was wrong because I lost 200 in one year, but knowing he knew I could do it was also exactly what I needed.
If I’m the first one to tell you this, you might not be successful.
I put my story out there because I know some people need a proof of concept. An example of one person who isn’t special or gifted who was able to reverse a destructive lifestyle and become healthy. I don’t have incredible metabolism or genetics. Practically every male in my family has had a heart attack, diabetes or both. Most of my extended family is overweight or obese.
But I did it, so it makes people believe they can do it to. But I hope someone more important to your mission tells you that you can do it before I tell you.
So here’s the test before you get started:
Walk to the mirror, stare your self in the face and say it: you can do this.
Do you believe it? If not, I’ll still tell you that you can. However in my experience after receiving countless messages from people who were ready to make real changes, it’s the ones that would do it even if the person never messages back who will really make the changes.
Well, I kind of lied.
Last year, I actually got a message from Jesse on LinkedIn:
I will be your cheerleader but you don’t need me. You just need to believe you can and act as if you cannot fail. Along the way you will make mistakes, but you will bounce back because mistakes are a part of any worthwhile journey. But you don’t need anyone but you.
After all, I’m living proof.
** (shameless attempt to enter into search results for her in case she googles herself, clicks here and falls in love with me, that being said, Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Lawrence).
“TinierTim” Bauer works in marketing as a professional storyteller who also teaches others to tell their stories. He is a father of two beautiful girls, aged 8 and 5. He lost his first 200 pounds in just 374 days and his greatest accomplishments include running his first triathlon 18 months to the day from starting his journey, having his weight loss described by his then 6 year old daughter as a “metamorphosis” (he’s a butterfly now) and the fact that his daughters are now able to sit in his lap without his belly getting in the way and wrap their arms completely around him. He blogs at TinierTim.com and can be found anywhere people are being Social @TinierTim including 
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