KISS

Last week, I had the absolute gall to suggest that you really didn’t need to know anything before you started your weight loss journey. Literally seconds after hitting publish, I received an email from someone asking what to eat to lose weight. I replied poultry or fish and vegetables with every meal and occasional tubers. Seventeen replies later, we had descended so far down the rabbit hole that we were starting to talk about omega 6 vs omega 3 ratios.

To be fair, eating lean meats and vegetables with some tubers is not the only way to lose weight. You can do it by eliminating carbs altogether. Some people do it high carb. Some people do it without meat (God help them). People hate my answer, but it’s what worked for me and I believe it would work for just about anyone.

I had a good friend come to me once and ask for advice. I invited him over for dinner and went over all the ideas and the concepts of how I did it. Three weeks later, he had weight loss surgery instead. I felt ridiculous and wished I hadn’t wasted my time.

Sometimes, I think that my answer to “What do I eat?” is too simple to be taken seriously: Meat and vegetables with tubers based on activity levels. It’s as easy as taking a bath.

There is a story in the bible of an ancient ruler from almost 3,000 years ago named Naaman who was both wealthy and handsome but had contracted leprosy. If you aren’t familiar with the disease, here’s a picture of a 24-year-old who had it:

Lepers grow scales and lose feeling in almost every extremity in your body. And eventually you could die. Worse still, it also causes erectile dysfunction.

So like wealthy people today, Naaman decided to seek out the best healthcare available although this is before viagra or even healthcare, so that was a prophet named Elisha who was rumored to be able to perform miracles in the name of God. He makes his way there to ask for some advice. Elisha sends out his assistant (he was a busy guy) who tells him to go wash himself off in the Jordan River seven times.

Naaman was indignant. He was expecting Elisha to come out and raise his arms up and perform some incredible miracle. Instead Elisha told Naaman to take a bath. Not only was the prophet too busy for him, Naaman also was offended by the insinuation that the Jordan was cleaner than Syrian rivers.

Later that night, one of Naaman’s servants had the courage to approach his ruler about the prophet’s recommendation. He asked:

“If the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!’”

Naaman feels stupid and decides to follow the doctor’s prophet’s instructions. And guess what happened? It worked. Instantly.

Sometimes we are a lot like Naaman. We want to make this weight loss thing so much more freaking complicated than it needs to be.

As much as possible, eat food that doesn’t come from a package. If your food requires a chemistry degree to produce, maybe you should think twice about eating it regularly. I don’t want to be the enemy of fun here: if you can handle the occasional veer from the path then go for it. But if you’re looking for the magic pill or food or additive that lets you eat garbage half the time, then you’re going to keep your leprosy my friend. If you want to be healthy, eat healthy.

It’s not dissimilar to the stupid trick we fall for with the cereal companies “fortifying with vitamins.”

So what’s healthy? Whole foods: Meat, Vegetables, Fruits. Base your diet on food that isn’t packaged or created by science as much as possible. Don’t eat too much. If you’re gaining weight, you’re eating too much. Unless you have some metabolic disorder, it really isn’t more than that.

When it comes to trying to plan your health conquests, just remember the old acronym, KISS.

Now go and take a Chicken and Broccoli bath you filthy leper.