Perception is a game changer. How we perceive ourselves, how we think others perceive us, and how we perceive others affects EVERYTHING. I have found that perception is something obese people struggle with even after losing weight. I have, like so many other obese people, struggled with my self-esteem my entire life. I perceived myself as fat, disgusting, lazy, and unworthy. I perceived others judging me the same. As a result, my perception of others was skewed; if they were looking at me, they were obviously judging me (now I realize that I was just projecting). You can see how this would easily become a vicious cycle.
When I was at my all-time smallest, my perception was still a bit off; I thought I still looked like that super obese girl in all my past photos. Many people who have lost a lot of weight can relate. I knew I wasn’t the same person but for some reason, I still saw the obese Jess looking at me in the mirror. Despite feeling better about myself and getting positive reactions from people in public for a change, my perception was still off. My therapist helped me with an exercise during those times when I felt like the old Jess; compare and old photo with a new one, side by side: point out the physical differences and the internal changes. It certainly helped and slowly, my perceptions changed.
As we all know from my former blog here at Tips of the Scale, I have regained some of the weight I originally lost. I am currently working very hard to lose that weight again (not only the physical weight but also the mental ‘weight’). Since I have regained this weight over the past three plus years, I have slowly started to see the old, pre-weight loss Jess in the mirror again. Regaining weight can mess with your head, your self-esteem, and lead you down a path of negative thinking. I knew I needed to go back and do my therapy homework again (which has been hard as I literally have run out of “before” photos to use for my comparisons). So, I’ve just assumed I looked as unhealthy, unhappy, and horrible as I did before. Then, the forces-that-be intervened and helped change this perspective.
A few days ago, my ex-husband emailed me some photos he found on an old data disc. He said he wasn’t sure if I had them or not, so he sent them to me just in case. As it turns out, I had never even seen the photos! My shock and awe took over when I opened the first photo. I didn’t even need to see a side by side to realize that I am NOT that same person. When I compared a photo from the day before (taken almost at the same angle), I realized that I had been beating myself up for nothing. Yes, I have regained some weight and yes, I need to lose it so that things don’t get out of hand again. However, I was allowing my distorted perception of me to get me down mentally. All the work I had done to build my self-esteem and confidence was slowly being chipped away for nothing!
I want you, the reader, to realize that despite any “failures” you have in your wellness and health journeys (I’ve realized that regaining weight isn’t a failure but rather a part of the process sometimes), you can still alter your perception in a positive way. You can focus on the good and see the wonderful improvements that have happened on the inside as well as the outside. Even if you have regained ALL of your weight lost, I can promise you that you are different; you are stronger, happier, and more knowledgeable about what keeps you healthy and happy. Make sure you take a step back from time to time, look back and realize how you have improved your life. Another piece of advice; don’t avoid the camera now because you may have regained some/all of your weight. Make sure you take lots of pics along the way; you never know when in the future your ‘now’ will help change your perception then.
Jess has succeeded in losing over 140 lbs, and went on to become a trainer and help others transform their bodies as well.
Jess can be found on 
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