I have had the opportunity to travel over the last few weeks – I did a lot of this about five years ago and it has been a while since I rolled up my clothes in long, cylinder forms to shove in my carry on; bought those mini (and now way overpriced) travel sized toiletries; and had the chance to encounter some new and exciting people I would never had the opportunity to meet.
I traveled to Vegas for a crazy 24-hour adventure this past weekend. As I sat in the airport at 11:30pm, living on nothing but mimosas and four plates of shellfish from brunch 12 hours prior, I observed one of the ticket agents behind the Delta counter.
I finally looked at my boarding pass and realized I had been randomly selected to enjoy the discomfort of a middle seat in economy (for a full five and a half hours).
Now, my heart sank; not for the same reasons it would have in the past (my thighs glued to the people on either side of me or the spectacle of yanking the seat belt over my 50+ inch mid-section) – I quietly lamented because the flight to Newark was intended to be my time to catch up on sleep. Being that middle passenger meant I couldn’t put my head against the window to get the shut-eye my old body so desperately needed. It meant I had to stay in a shallow sleep to ensure my hands, legs and head didn’t fall on my neighbours. All of which made me super ticked off and dreading the next few hours of my life.
I finished my red delicious apple, grabbed my one bag that accompanied me on my travels and walked over to the ticket booth hoping get the one of two agents who looked on the ball.
But, I didn’t. The woman who served me was disheveled, didn’t have the 1990’s suit jacket on like her spunky colleague did, her spectacles continually fell off her nose and, in my opinion, should have been standing on a stool to ensure she could see her clients on the other side of the booth.
The long and short of the next 25 minutes was as follows:
Me: I need a new seat (I’m tired and hungry)
Her: it will cost you $79 to move to a window
Me: I’m good with that. Here’s my debit card
Her: complain, complain, complain about the new system. She wants her old system back so everything can be done in the same screen. Why do things have to change… angry, angry, angry
Me: A debit card in Canada cannot be typed in; we need a swipe pad to enter our PIN
Her: (she types in the number and wonders why it doesn’t work)
Fast forward 20 minutes – she realizes it’s not a credit card, there wont be a charge for my seat, I get a window seat in Economy Plus and all is okay with the world.
My lesson in this moment – there were a few. A. workers should NEVER complain in front of clients (I hate this); B. she permitted her inability to accept change to fog her ability to do her job effectively; C. I think I’m getting too old for 24 hour trips to Vegas.
Let’s focus on B. The beast of change. She repeatedly said, “I hate it when things change. Why can’t things just stay the same?”. Now, I cringed at this because I love change. Everything about it. But working with employees for over 13 years in HR, I had to accept many things about the human psyche, one of which is that we all react differently to the changing landscape of life. Some embrace. Some freeze. Some rebel. Some completely reject and then experience negative outcomes.
I borrow a quote from Arlene F. Harder, author of Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life: Stop Wishing Your Life Were Different and Make it Happen (and the following Paths to Change are also adapted from this book):
Over the years I’ve learned that basically the reason some people want to be the best they can be, while others only like to complain is because the latter type of person isn’t in touch with, or is able to deny the pressure of, what I call “pain, pull, or push forces.” Unless people experience one of them, they are pretty well stuck right where they are.
The Varying Degrees of What Motivates Change
Path 1. Least Successful and/or Ineffective is The Push
“Sometimes, though very seldom, we change because we are pushed by someone to become a different person than we’ve been.” This is our ticket agent example. She is adapting, albeit, with force, but change occurred because she was pushed to do so. She had a choice. Adapt or rebel. I guess, stay employed or not. When we are talking about weight loss, it’s hard to do for anyone else other than yourself. I am not going to talk any longer on this topic – it has to be you. Otherwise, there quite possibly will be a setback.
Path 2. Seen with Greater Success is The Pull
“Not infrequently, when we have been inspired by a new vision of who we can grow to be, and what the world can become through our efforts, we are pulled to change.” This is an amazing moment if you have experienced it in your journey. Now, don’t get this confused with Path #3 (The Pain). This is very much metaphysical. The ‘idea’ of more. The ‘feeling’ of new. The ‘belief’ in better. Being pulled towards the possibilities is an amazing event and in all honestly, quiet traumatic-free. When you stop to realize and appreciate the change that is slowly happening, you find strength and courage in your process and continue on. But, let’s be honest, this doesn’t always happen! Internal, psychological inspiration not coupled with the below is rare. If this is you, congratulations on your change! I commend you!
Path 3. What is Most Successful? The Pain
“Both psychological and physical pain encourage us to work toward relieving our discomfort and can come from many sources. Your factory is outsourced and takes your job with it. Your spouse announces he is leaving for someone else. You’ve been given a diagnosis of a serious illness. Your business partner’s drinking has escalated. In all of these cases, it’s no longer possible to continue living as you have been.”
I love this Path because it’s true and it is consistent with what you hear from most scale warriors here on Tips of the Scale… it was too painful to stay where we were. And what I like about this path to change is that is includes both the psychological and physical pain we endure. I had wicked arthritis in my right knee that made it almost impossible to walk – one of my ‘pains’ that moved me to change. I couldn’t play with my kids. Another. I couldn’t be the woman who was trapped inside me because of the weight of the body I was carrying every day. Another.
Others example of such pain towards change we have heard: See if you identify. Actually flat-lining in the Emergency Room, the agony of skin rubbing on skin so moving or getting out is physically debilitating, the social stigma and embarrassment of not fitting in a concert seat, the inability to do things for yourself (like bathing, doing up your shoes, or going to the restroom) – this all sucks! Like really sucks.
When you are truly connected with your feelings, your body and with that which you are (not) experiencing, this moment of pain will come. Some call it an uh-ha moment; that moment that connects it all and that forces you to push yourself to new experiences. This sounds so Hollywood and while some may experience this orgasmic-like event, mine was a series of small pains that lead to the realization that my life sucked – the biggest psychological reality of all (thanks, John Greene!).
A friend recently posed the question, “Why do I continue to self-sabotage and make the wrong choices when I want this so badly”. I challenged her with figuring out what her “WHY” really is. Figure out your WHY and the HOW will follow (quoting my fellow blogger, Tim, here). Maybe instead of asking what the WHY is, I should have asked if she has experienced her pain. Because, let’s be honest, we adapt. We adapt well as humans and there’s a lot we can endure. Being fat is one of them. It’s the consequences of being in a body that can’t do too much that may ultimately lead you to such discomfort that you have NO CHOICE but to 
put you first.
I can’t do that for you. I can only tell you that doing cartwheels with my baby girl, running because I know I can, mindfully choosing the stairs over the escalator, and shopping for sexy lingerie are only a few of the wonderful things I now enjoy. My pain pushed me to put down the pasta. My pain pushed me to want to see my babies grow up and be proud of their mamma. My pain pushed me (and still does) to continually question the choices I make to ensure I am moving down the path to better.
Because better is what you deserve. You just need to believe it.
~A
Adina is an ex-corporate HR Manager with a new-found interest in helping other women move their bodies, create a healthy relationship with food and discover the amazing power of their minds to change their lives. As a certified personal training specialist, she continues to learn and educate in the field of physical fitness. She regularly blogs at 
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