I was at a school event a couple weeks back for my kids, and I was interacting with one of the moms there. She has a son the same age as my girl (almost nine) and we were chewing over the weather or something like that. One of the older helpers, a young woman about 17 years old, came over to the tent and joined in the conversation.
This girl (and I call her a girl because I’m getting old) was offered a Tim Bit. For those of you who have yet experienced the Great Canadian Icon of Tim Hortons you wont know what I’m talking about, but it’s essential a donought hole. A little round ball of lard and sugar; often the go-to grabbed snack for kids. She went to grab one and said, “No, I can’t. I’m trying to be healthy”. I grinned from ear to ear hearing such great words from a young person, only hoping it was coming from a place of truth and not harm.
This mom immediately piped up and said, “What? You’re young. Don’t worry about what you eat. You have the rest of your life to worry about that.” I grabbed this young lady by the shoulders and looked her straight center in her eyes. I said, “Don’t believe that. The choices you make now, will dictate the life you lead later”. I think I slightly scared her and needed to apologize later for my behaviour. But this had me thinking… are we THAT aware of how we are influencing the young people around us as far as the power of food in their lives? What about our own children?
I am a mom of a beautiful eight and half year old girl and a ridiculously active 3 year old boy. My kids eat their protein, veggies and for the most part I limit their dairy (personal reasons) and their sugar (obvious reasons). We don’t consume packaged foods, frozen entrees, or really anything highly processed. They will have treats that will include an ice cream once and a while, a bag of chips or some sort of sweet. Day in and day out, they eat real food. This is my choice.
Now, I’m not one to tread lightly on any topic, especially when it comes to my babies. This blog idea was brought up, however, among the blogging team here and was presented as “Influencing healthy eating with your kids”. I immediately called bullshit on this because, unless your kids are older, earning money and buying their own food, there really is no influencing. I’m the parent. I make their decisions for them until which time they can advocate for themselves. Period. And while I welcome your rebuttal, I may not engage in it because I believe this to be truth. What we can do, however, is influence the behaviours, mental side and relationships with food – that, we have 100% ability to influence.
As parents, we have an immense responsibility not only to ourselves, but the kids we are raising. If you are not a parent, you may have nieces, nephews, grand-babies, god children, students who are in your care, or really any child you interact with on any given day in your realm of existence. Whether you recognize it or not, they are watching; they are learning, mimicking, absorbing, understanding and programming their own little minds for future decisions in life. This rule kinda applies to everything we do – what we say, how we say it, what we eat, how we approach problems, our relationships – anything. They are sponges and because of this, we need to be very aware of what we are leaving behind to soak up. And with that, we need to look at how we interact, use and talk about food.
I want to preface this argument with one thing (or a few things) – I write from experience. And then I may pull from research. Overall, however, I write from where I was, am and would like to be. I live in a town that was rated #7 as Canada’s Best Places to Live from “Money Sense” magazine. Average price of a house is over $690,000, with an average income of $145,000. That is my reality. Now that doesn’t mean I make that money or my house is worth that, but you can understand a bit of where roots are planted. I don’t make minimum wage, or need to send my kids to school without breakfast or worry if they will go a full day on an empty stomach – but, these realities do exist. I have never been in that situation. Now, times for us have been tough. I have needed to pick up some extra work like cleaning in order to fund the extra circular activities of my kids. But never, in my life, have I had to choose food over paying the bills or keeping a roof over my head. Please understand this…
I urge you, regardless of your income, or economic status, to sit back and observe. I have challenged myself to do this often and with quiet, internal regard and mindfulness, great things can happen. Make note of a few things: what do you reach for when your child is sad, happy, excited or having a temper tantrum? How do you celebrate milestones in your home? What is the relationship you have with food and how is that relationship being modeled by your kids? This is all tough stuff; tough when your introspection may point in the direction of not-so-best scenarios and room-for-improvement circumstances.
My biggest shift in this department has been food as reward or the feel-good weapon. We were at a BBQ a couple weeks back and my son hurt himself – he does this often so for us, it’s not usually a huge deal, but to strangers or passer-bys, it always is. I was consoling as I do, with hugs and kisses and “everything will be ok”, and the hosting-mom came over with a Hershey’s KISS. Now, I had just met this woman so I did what came naturally in that situation, and I retracted as not to offend – ya, I can be sensitive sometimes. She handed my little three-year old man the KISS and he unwrapped the silver package and immediately stopped crying.
I died a little inside.
I had made a huge stride a year prior at my MIL’s place when he had hurt himself and Grandma passed him a baby Arrowroot cookie to sooth his tears. I took the cookie and thanked her and let her know, in the most calm and loving way I could, that when my kids get hurt we need to give them love and not food. I was shaking in my shoes as it was a big step for me. First, because I was standing up for myself and child; second, because it was to my mother in law. But I did. I was disappointed in myself at this BBQ because I know my values around food as comfort – so what did I do to repair the wrong? I whispered in my son’s year that mommy’s hugs and kisses are so much better than a little chocolate that only lasts a moment. He looked at me with those amazing brown eyes and said, “I know. But this tastes a little better”.
This blog could go on forever. I could spew some stats that may include the following:
When this research’s children entered kindergarten (mean age, 5.6 years), 12.4% were obese and another 14.9% were overweight; in eighth grade (mean age, 14.1 years), 20.8% were obese and 17.0% were overweight. The annual incidence of obesity decreased from 5.4% during kindergarten to 1.7% between fifth and eighth grade. Overweight 5-year-olds were four times as likely as normal-weight children to become obese (9-year cumulative incidence, 31.8% vs. 7.9%), with rates of 91.5 versus 17.2 per 1000 person-years. Among children who became obese between the ages of 5 and 14 years, nearly half had been overweight and 75% had been above the 70th percentile for body-mass index at baseline.
Or I could talk a little bit about the importance of choosing picked/slaughtered over highly processed food, or the rule of thumb to keeping to the Perimeter Rule in the grocery store. What about the need to educate our kids about where food comes from, teaching them how to grow and pick and prepare in the kitchen with us? I may even take a few pages to let you know that Crack or Heroine are actually LESS addictive than Oreos…. I could, literally, write and write and write about how we can physically influence our kids on their food choices, but I just challenge you to start small and look at the role food plays in our lives. With that focus, other changes will naturally take place.
When I started to make changes in my nutrition, I constantly felt like there was a disconnect with what I was doing as ‘right’ for me, and what I was doing as ‘convenient’ for my babies. I
haven’t bought a box of Kraft Dinner in almost a year. This was a Saturday staple in my house even when my weight loss journey began (see image here… comfort = KD?) McDonalds’ Happy Meals may not have been a weekly occurrence, but it was accepted as an option for them. As the shift occurred, my daughter even called me from Grandma’s one day to ask if it was okay they go grab one (I mean, talk about a proud mamma moment!). I needed to start removing some unhealthy choices in their diets and replace with b
etter.
As parents, guardians, and great influencers, that’s really all we can do. We need to recognize that ya, they are kids. And ya, you are only a kid once. But being a kid doesn’t need to equate to two-foot long Mr. Freezies or food-like product bought from the big companies of the world. Being a kid is having the stamina and endurance to make it through gym class. Being a kid is playing outdoors vs. stuck to a screen for hours on end. Being a kid is learning healthy habits so when you’re my age, you can thank your parents for having a healthy impact on your choices – it is getting through the day without exhaustion or regret.
I have had to undo a lot from my childhood. A lot. Food as comfort. Food as celebratory. Inactivity that made my 35 year old body cry out that it needed a second chance. I trust my parents did the best they knew how. I can say, with full conviction, I am doing the best I choose to know how for my kids. And when they are able to make those decisions on their own, I only hope I had a little say in how those decisions are made.
Dedicated to my two li’ls.
My wonderfully active children, E&J
Adina is an ex-corporate HR Manager with a new-found interest in helping other women move their bodies, create a healthy relationship with food and discover the amazing power of their minds to change their lives. As a certified personal training specialist, she continues to learn and educate in the field of physical fitness. She regularly blogs at 
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