Leaving Your Shell Behind

I have written on this topic before, during a period of time when I felt stuck, without a real identity, and thus needed to get my thoughts out for no other reason but to purge.

Under my blog, it was entitled Your Reinvention. And I am choosing not to re-visit this piece as a bit of an experiment on my own journey. I am curious to see how my perspective and outlook on this topic has changed, so, like you, I will click on it after to read my old words and do a little juxtaposing…

I Googled “when a snail leaves its shell” – I received an enormous amount of articles, Yahoo Questions and general metaphysical answers to this. I read that it is impossible for a snail to lose it’s shell because without it, the creature would die. I read that all shelled morsels need to eventually move on and live in something bigger, so they leave their old to find a new.

I have to be honest, I like both answers as the two support my topic of today’s Nudge – leaving your shell behind.

Reader warning: explicit content ahead

So, where the hell did that snail end up?

The snail is us. Those who have had the idea, or the resolve, to move forward from where we were or even are today. In February of 2012, I returned to my HR job after my maternity leave for a well-known Canadian retailer, looking after employee relations for close to half of the country. I was supporting high executives, had a beautiful windowed office and really, all was well in getting back into the swing of things. I was about 40 pounds into my weight loss, trying to balance my work outs, meal plans and not falling back into the habits I had created for myself only a few months before.

Then, four weeks to the day I returned, I was sitting in my office reading a policy manual. And I had one of those moments. I was disconnected with where I was. I had been waking up for the last four weeks disinterested in my work.

Now, rewind a bit. I had been doing this HR gig for almost 13 years. I had done my undergrad at University in English Lit and realized quickly I wouldn’t be going anywhere with it that would include a sound paycheque, so decided to go back to do my Post-Grad work in HR. I had worked hard to move up, received my accreditaion which I worked at annually to maintain. I had had bad days. Like really bad days. Dealing with abuse, drugs, sex, theft, vandilism, you name it. I had a lot of dark days. But this was my career of choice.

What changed?

Well, I had returned four weeks earlier from the wonderful gift of a year long maternity leave that we are granted here in Canada. Some may think, “Well, you just didn’t want to work anymore. You wanted to stay home with your kids”. This couldn’t have been further from the truth. I have worked since I was eight years old. Had my first ‘real’ job at 15 that lasted until I was 24. I love my kids immensely, but working for both love and a paycheque is something that I hold near and dear to my heart (let’s move on).

It wasn’t that my arms were aching to hold my son (and don’t get me wrong, of course I missed him); it was that for the last six months I was making major change in my life. I was changing almost every part of my shell. How it looked, what it felt like, how it fit, how it sounded when I moved, what others saw in it. My shell was almost ready to ‘come off’. I was outgrowing what I knew. And like so many other parts of my life, my career, the 50+ hours that section of my life took up, was needing to change as well.

It was a Thursday afternoon when I was sitting in that chair, staring at my cork board realizing I couldn’t come back tomorrow. It was the most terrifying moment and the most invigorating one. I was scared shitless because I didn’t know how I was going to make the payments on the car I just purchased to get me to the office. I didn’t know how to tell the daycare person that I would need to take my kid out of her home care (her income!) because I couldn’t afford it. I didn’t know how I was going to break the news to my hubs. But like everything else up to that very moment, I trusted my gut and followed what I knew to be true.

I no longer was doing that which made me happy.

I can tell you with 100% certainty, I didn’t know what would, but I definitely knew it was no longer the corporate rat race.

There are a lot ‘shells’ that we will eventually outgrow in this journey. I know that for certain. Some people say leaving my successful career was a brave thing. I thank you for thinking that. For me, it’s just what made sense.

Three weeks later I was offered a job to work at my trainer’s women only boutique fitness studio in the town I lived in. A seven minute commute, where I could wear yoga pants every day. I was given the opportunity to meet amazing women who wanted to transform their bodies and lives. Guess what? It all worked out.

Is your shell getting too small for your next step? Is it time to leave it behind?

Take it from someone who took a leap of faith on herself and did it, the next shell may be a little cracked, or a little worn, but sooner or later, the one you are carrying will no longer serve its purpose.