What I love about people, is that we are all different. No chance I am the same as you, you are the same as her and she is the same as him. It’s true. And being in customer service (of some sort) for the last 23 years, this is what I have come to learn. With every person I have come to met and maybe know a bit more intimately, I know we are all unique with different back stories, challenges that force us to make tough decisions and roadblocks that help us truly learn who we are.
Today, I would like to re-introduce you to Jess Hatton. We met Jess back on episode 12 where she let us know a little bit about her past, what contributed to her weight gain, and her success in losing over 140 lbs!
Jess has been one of those people I have met along the way. In a small exchange through social media and introducing her to my own story, Jess decided to come clean with me about what we all (secretly) worry about – she has had a set back. In that ‘confession’, she became aware of where she is and has recommitted to the most important person in her life – herself. We thank Jess for her courage and bravery in writing this and we look forward to one day in the near future to hear from her again on how she is doing.
Follow Jess on her business page on Facebook at Fit! by Jess, and Instagram at Floppywalking!
I haven’t been honest…
With myself. As a result, I haven’t been honest with all of you. I’ve been (poorly) hiding a secret for a really long time. For someone so candid, I’ve managed to hide this and go out of my way to hide it in some instances. It consumes my thoughts and affects my self-esteem and is reflected on everyone and everything I meet/do.
What is this big secret (lie is a better word I suppose)? I am a statistic. “How so”, you may ask. Well, I am one of those people who lost a large amount of weight and within five years of losing it, gained a great deal of it back. I did something I said I never would; gained a large amount of weight, allowed food to take control of me again, and came close to 300 lbs again.
For a little background, I began my weight loss journey in 2008 when I weighed in at 362 lbs. Over about 1.5-2 years, I lost 140 lbs. I actually at one time had lost 173 lbs but the last 30 was due to a developed case of anorexia which I luckily came out of before it was too late. I maintained the 140 lb. loss until the end of 2011, give or take 10 pounds or so. During the weight loss, I went through a divorce which led me to therapy. Therapy led to my diagnosis of food addiction and a predisposition to eating disorders. I thought I had my bases covered and that it would be a fairy tale of obese girl loses massive amount of weight and figures out why so she did so in the first place so that she can prevent it from happening again. Then, as in fairy tales, things would be all rosy and perfect like the Biggest Loser. Well, weight loss isn’t like the magical world of The Biggest Loser. The real story begins after the ‘finale’.
I had a few major changes (good and bad) since 2011. In 2011, I moved in with my boyfriend and far away from my home state. This was a good change and something that brought me much happiness. The day I moved, I weighed in at 207 which was a healthy weight for me and a weight I had maintained for quite some time. As with any situation regarding a move, a new routine, and new love, my weight started to very slowly creep back on. I was happy and I allowed myself to celebrate that with food. By December 7, 2011, I weighed 227 lbs. To put that into perspective, I gained 20 pounds from June 2011 to December 2011. That’s a gain of a little over 1 lb a week, on average.
As 2012 progressed, so did my weight. I was happy at home but stressed from dealing with a horrible, racist, misogynistic boss (he really was that horrible). I turned to food for comfort. I continued to pick up eating habits from living with my boyfriend (top tip: girls, unless you have a banging metabolism, you definitely SHOULD NOT eat two sandwiches, no matter how many your boyfriend or husband can eat). Thanks to all of the stress from work and my happy home life (with the crazy subconscious competitive eating with my boyfriend), I clocked in at 252 lbs by December 2012. Uh oh.
Early 2013 brought some ups and downs, personally and professionally. Professionally, I quit my job at the globo gym and struck out on my own. I started my own personal training business. My success came quickly and I put in lots of hard work and hours to continue to grow. This was definitely an ‘up’. My ‘down’ came in May of 2013. I had some personal issues that knocked the wind from my sails. I was a zombie for weeks, numb with sadness and shock. As a result, I just stopped caring about everything except my business/clients. I didn’t eat for weeks and then when I finally did, I ate out of anger and frustration.
My workouts began suffering too. Between my unpredictable schedule (only negative to being a private personal trainer) and my waning motivation, I just stopped working out for days, even weeks sometimes. I had always loved my workouts and honestly, they never felt forced but rather something I happily anticipated. As 2013 progressed, I felt my motivation and my drive to workout slip further and further away from me, along with my desire to eat well and take care of my body. By the end of 2013, I stepped on the scale and was disgusted, shocked, hurt, and gutted at what I saw staring back at me. I was 273 lbs.
Despite now being on track, the beginning of 2014 didn’t fare well either. I still found struggle in working out and eating well. My building’s gym had closed for renovations December 1st of 2014 (and is currently STILL under renovations). I have never been great at working out at home on a regular basis. The alternative of going outside wasn’t possible until April of this year (due to the supremely shitty winter we endured).
Now that the excuses are out of the way, I can say this; I am not blaming anyone else at all for my weight gain, not anymore. I’m tired of the excuses. I ate too much. I ate shitty foods. I made the bad decisions. I chose not to care anymore. I handled my problems and stress inappropriately. I chose to take the lazy route and this is where it has taken me.
So why am I sharing this with you? Firstly, I needed to for selfish reasons. It is helping me to be honest and open about my struggles for the first time in two years. Secondly, I want you all to know that we all mess up, even the professionals. We are human and have issues just like the rest of you. I believe that these struggles will help me to continue to be a great personal trainer because I can RELATE to my clients and their struggles. Lastly, I am telling you this because I want you to know that you are not a victim. Sure, life is unfair but that is life. Look at the unfair things in your life and try your damndest to make them into challenges rather than giving up easily. Giving up, having a pity party, and lying to yourself will get you to where I am now which is 290 lbs. Almost 300 lbs again; a place I once said I’d never go back. It still devastates me to know this number but it is a necessary evil in order for me to move on.
I told my friend today that prior to a few weeks ago, I felt ashamed to admit all of this to anyone including myself. I felt fearful and that I had let EVERYONE down, especially considering my livelihood. I felt like a failure. As one of my favorite historical figures once said: “Success isn’t permanent, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts”. Mr. Winston Churchill could not have been more correct. So, all I can do is continue onwards, keep getting up, dusting myself off, and keep striving to be the best form of me that I can be.
Adina is an ex-corporate HR Manager with a new-found interest in helping other women move their bodies, create a healthy relationship with food and discover the amazing power of their minds to change their lives. As a certified personal training specialist, she continues to learn and educate in the field of physical fitness. She regularly blogs at 
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