I had an interesting conversation with a client recently. She has gone through a hell of a transition over the last two years. I met her while working at the women’s fitness studio run by my ex-trainer, just after I had left my career of 13 years and was immersed in a fairly substantial transition myself.
She had left her husband of 42 years, quit smoking, downsized her house, was now living on her own, for the first time EVER, taken up fitness, clean eating – all in her 59th year of life. Not an easy feat for anyone, but she had literally re-invented herself. We were talking about what happens when a life-changing opportunity has smacked you straight across the face…
Again, I’m no expert on anything other than that which I have experienced. And this is what I have observed: when major change happens in life, like losing half your body weight, separating from an identity you have only known, or maybe coming close to death’s door, we can sometimes (a) lose ourselves or (b) find ourselves. Or maybe a little bit of both.
I lived my life, for a very long time, out of expectation. And from this expectation, came habit of behaviours. And from these behaviours, I lived not knowing any differently. I had ultimately painted myself in a corner that was almost impossible to leave. My life had been defined by those around me, and I thought I was living a life that seemed okay.
But then – I was almost 300 lbs. And seemingly happy. So what gives?
Through my own discoveries, as I learned that life had so much more to offer, I tried new things; I found new passions; I lost some people along the way. I felt lost a lot of the time – like a lot (and in reality, sometimes I feel that panic creep back up in my throat). But as I was losing myself, I was also redefining my life and my story. Just like my client, we both decided that we needed to come first. To others around us, acts become selfish; decisions become ego-centric; life was no longer defined from our old roles.
(one of my all time favourite quotes, right here)
We were both lost, mangled and torn, raw at times because of the emotion that came with breaking free from what we thought was our path – yet the discovery process began and change occurred.
During my earlier days during my journey, I was once accused of being too focussed on me and that this “Buddhist” way of thinking was so far fetched I had lost touch with reality. I actually don’t know much about Buddhism, but I assured them I hadn’t taken up any new religion; all I had done was surround myself with positivity because living in such a deep darkness for so long was tiresome and I needed some light. If that meant what I was doing was making others uncomfortable and distant, I would be prepared to take that risk.
I was lost. I was lost because my identity changed, my own expectations were shifting and I started living a new life. It wasn’t anything about my outwardly appearance that I was struggling with – although some people find their physical transformation changes their relationships, but for me, it was everything about my life. Part of me (and sometimes I still struggle with) felt I didn’t deserve the life I was creating and part of me was still stuck in a world of white pasta and sedentary. I was lost.
But, for me, my client, and many of us here on Tips of the Scale, we started to find ourselves while losing weight or knowing we were worth more. We started to rewrite the story and we knew that although moments were dark, tough and sometimes overcome with feelings of impossible, we ultimately found ourselves on the other side.
You may find yourself overwhelmed with the attention of the opposite sex; overcome with physical possibilities; overjoyed with what could be. These are all wonderful, but are not the reasons you started this journey. Don’t get lost in these nice to haves, when the reason this all happened was for you first.
We are here to help you get through the lost and find a greater and happier version of you.
Thanks for reading.