“Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind. There’s no other definition of it.”
-F Scott. Fitzgerald.

Welcome back Stoic Students. Today we’re going to wax biographical. Today we’re going to talk about the gentler side of quitting.

The day I decided to change my life was the Fifth of November. Yes, really. Remember, remember the Fifth of November.

This change was so far overdue. I was consuming over 5500 calories per day. My life was out of control. I had given up not only physically but in life, in love, professionally, personally and spiritually. It was nothing short of an ephiphany that made me believe in myself again for the first time in years. I wanted to set a goal to achieve something that would demonstrate that I was fit, strong and healthy. I decided on a goal and publicly proclaimed on Facebook at over 400 pounds:

I was 31 at the time. I turn 35 in about 6 weeks. Spoiler alert: In 6 weeks, I will fail to reach my goal. But I am by no means a failure. Let’s get Stoic for a minute.

Growing up, I always had admired runners. My best friend, Omar sprinted like Usain Bolt and one of my other best friends Ivan could run a marathon like a white Nigerian. Suffice it to say that I, like many people equated running with fitness because many of the President’s Fitness Tests had to do with running certain distances in certain times. Running seemed to be equal to fitness according to the President who had enlisted the help of The Terminator.

Fast forward to the following November after setting my goal. I had lost over 200 pounds and I decided that the time had come to enter into a race and I registered for a 5K that took place on Thanksgiving along the beach. I remember how proud I was that I could run 3 miles straight finally at 32 years old. I knew I had 3 years left to get to the marathon: plenty of time.

6 months later, I entered a Triathlon. I managed to finish it even though I almost failed in the first leg of the race.

Post triathlon, I found myself torn between attempting a longer triathlon or registering for a half marathon. But more importantly, I was loving Krav Maga, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and my one true love, lifting. I only had so much time for fitness related activities and squeezing time in for runs became increasingly difficult. Nevertheless, my goal had been and was to run this marathon, so I made sure to squeeze in runs whenever possible.

One Saturday morning, my favorite time to go running because of the quiet streets, I started a planned 10K run. One foot in front of the other. One mile in. Two miles in. And then, roughly 2.5 miles out, when I began to hit my stride I had a revelation: I hate this. I hate running. Why the heck was I out here again?

What about my goal? What about my dream of running the marathon? Isn’t that the only way to know I was fit? Running wasn’t ever the real dream or goal. It wasn’t destined to be my path. The sentimental dreamer told me I had to stick with my goal, but the stoic in me realized one thing:

It’s ok to quit running when continuing down a path is no longer consistent with your goal.

That being said, I still had to run home. I never registered for another race.

Epictetus said it this way:

“Aiming then at these high matters, you must remember that to attain them requires more than ordinary effort; you will have to give up some things entirely… And, if you would also have office and wealth, it may be that you will fail to get them, just because your desire is set on higher matters.”

In other words, sometimes we have to give up something we want less for something greater.

Have you ever wanted something but wanted another something more that seemed to conflict? Our lives are made up of these kind of decisions:

• Choose the Cake or the abs.
• The party or the other party.
• Watch a movie or read a book.
• The Blond or the Redhead.

Editor’s note: in all of these examples, the second one is better. Sorry blondes and non “other parties”.

In my case, the goal wasn’t about running 26 miles. It was about being fit, strong and healthy and that path isn’t only found at the end of a marathon. Sometimes giving up is ok.

Stoicism teaches us that we cannot have it all and that making these choices is what life is all about. Stoicism also offers us a way to process this change of goals and objectives without feeling like a failure.

Thomas Jefferson didn’t talk good.

Thomas Jefferson is arguably one of the most brilliant Americans who ever lived. He was born quiet, contemplative, a natural introvert. He however had his heart set on being a politician which at that time was dominated by some of the greatest orators in history. One might be tempted to tell a story similar to Demosthenes we discussed last week wherein he learned to be a great speaker, but TJ had a very different realization: he needed to accept his shortcoming and focus on his strength. So instead of trying to be another Patrick Henry or John Wesley, he channeled his energies into writing. He went on to write the Declaration of Independence, one of the greatest blog entries of all time in a single draft.

What does this mean to you? Maybe your goal or your program isn’t the right goal for you. JT and David lift but maybe that isn’t for you. Adina likes barre and tabata, but maybe you prefer to be like Les, who loves walking. Or maybe you’re one of those sick weirdo running types like Gina.

Be like Frank Sinatra.

Do it your way. If you’re new to the Tips of the Scale community, you can literally find someone here who has done this pretty much any way you can think of. We have interviewed people close to or over 100 pounds on all kinds of diets:

• Ketogenic
• Paleo
• Low Fat
• Vegetarian/Vegan

True fact incoming Stoic Students. This is true about diets, organizational systems, significant others, shoes, cars and exercise plans:

The best system is the fits two categories: you will stick to it and it works for you.

It works for you.

So I’m one of those Paleo people, but I am the first to admit that paleo isn’t for everyone. Paleo is not really a program designed for fat loss (more on this another time) as much as it is for health, longevity and in my opinion even needs to be adapted for proper athletic performance. Some people do not benefit or respond well from the high fat components and corresponding low carb nature of many paleo plans. Here’s one example of a woman from Robb Wolf’s site who had all kinds of jacked up hormonal issues going high fat low carb Paleo. That doesn’t mean it’s bad for everyone of course, but for some it may not work.

But, but, how will I know if it’s right for me?

Experiment! Try a diet for thirty days. Are you losing fat? Feeling good? Sleeping well? Then keep doing it.

Will you stick to it?

To stick with the paleo example, some people find the diet far too restrictive and need the flexibility to be able to consume a piece of bread every now and again. They can’t see themselves sticking to a paleo diet. Why shoehorn yourself into a program you’re not going to stick to? It isn’t the only path to fit, strong and healthy.

I on the other hand, flourish when I have a regimented system to stick to. I’m self aware enough to know this. I need systems like Paleo to succeed. When I don’t have systems, I create them. But you might not be me and that’s ok.

How do I know if I’ll stick to it? You tell me ;).

How does this relate to Stoicism again?

Memento Mori

The Romans had a quote that I tell myself as often as I remember: “Memento Mori”, meaning Remember that you will die. This seems like a disturbing thought, but it is important to remember that life is too short, too precious to chase marathons we don’t want to be a part of. Be constantly aware of your mortality and the preciousness of your time. Do not lend it to pursuits not worthy of your heart. This is not failure, this is living and it is beautiful.

Marcus Aurelius said it this way:

“Do every act of your life as though it were the very last act of your life.”

And there’s no way I’m going to make that last act a run. A squat on the other hand…..